Control What You Can Control — Let The Rest Take Care Of Itself

Today, I’m challenging you on the control freak that you are harbouring. Yep, I know you’ve got one—I’ve got one—we’ve all got one!

 
control
 

Getting to know her and figuring out how to calm her down can make a massive difference for you in your biz.

You wanna know what comes with the territory when you enter into the mum zone?

Needing to control things.

Actually, I was a control freak (and a perfectionist!) long before I had kids. You can probably relate a little!  

For me, in my career particularly, I was so particular and so professional and so determined to always be at the top.

I always overachieve. And I’ve been so proud of myself for that.  

But let’s talk about how that impacts your life and what it does when you bring it into your entrepreneur world.

Cause there aren’t too many professional mums out there that don’t have some part of this control freakiness showing up for them. 

See, I don’t know if you picked up the thread in all of that story, but most of that was coming from a place of fear. Fear of not delivering, not adding value, not measuring up or being thought about negatively.

I was constantly fighting against myself because I completely lacked confidence in myself and what I could do.   

So let’s check in for a little second—can you think of a time or part of your life/business where you are feeling some of this?  

How is that showing up for you?

Even though it makes you push yourself harder, work better, deliver more…how do you feel when you are in that place? THIS is why we are talking about this today.  

THE PERFECT MANIA

For me, when I was in the grips of “perfect mania,” I was stressed. Always pressuring myself to be perfect in meetings, to show up super prepared and be hyper-vigilant, there was not much of the real me coming out.

Which had a weird effect—people knew they could count on me and expected me to do good work… but I never built a relationship with them because I was so focussed on being professional and “all over it”.  

I worked long hours and expected high quality from my teams too. Now, because my “perfect mania” extended to being a good team leader - they usually were getting a decent experience because I was just as focussed on being a great leader (again - perception)… but sometimes the stress broke through too and the pressure I put on myself extended to them.  

Don’t get me wrong—I’m probably describing the worst parts of how I showed up in my career…and selling myself short in this story…I was/am really good at what I do. And I can say that now because I figured out how to relax into my expertise and build my confidence.

But for many years—even though everyone else thought I was good at what I did—I never allowed myself to believe it. And I controlled the hell out of everything around me because of that.  

When you control everything completely (or try to because this puppy is destined for failure!) you are setting yourself up to feel stressed, frustrated, like it’s not going according to plan and never good enough.

And that comes through in your delivery. Even the most practiced and polished presenter/coach/business owner {insert label that fits you here} is going to crack around the edges when you are coming from a place of control.   

It means that no matter what it looks like on the outside…what it FEELS like on the inside is pretty pants!  

And the worst part is that you usually are missing opportunities to do amazing things that are right in front of you because you are so fixated on the plan. Just execute the steps…one step in front of each other…blinkers on…must stick to the plan… 

AN OPPORTUNITY FOR IMPROVEMENT

And all the while, this amazing opportunity for improvement is waving at you from just outside of your line of sight.  

Now I’ve talked about this before on the show—the art of being open to the possibilities in front of you. And it is along a similar vein but the way to do it is to learn how to focus only on what you can control … and let the rest take care of itself.  

So what on earth do I mean by that? 

Well, we often try to control things that we have absolutely no control over whatsoever and then let it make us feel awful when things don’t go to plan!  

Tell me, what happens when you try to control your kids and what they do, say, react to…how they are? It usually goes pear shaped right? 

See, the only thing that you can control is you. Your thoughts (yes you can actually control those too), your actions, your reactions, your choices in every situation.  

We spend most of our lives thinking that we can control everything when in actual fact, you control very little about your environment.

The problem with this though is that we let the outcome of something not going our way…even though we were trying to control it…impact how we feel about the result or outcome of the situation.  

There is always a choice.  

Always.  

Let me say that again… you ALWAYS have a choice.  

It may not be an easy choice. It may involve choosing acceptance. It may involve releasing beliefs or expectations. It may be one of the hardest choices you’ve ever made…or the easiest.  

BUT even by not taking action in a situation where you are not happy, you are choosing to accept it.  

When we accept that we can control only ourselves and our own reactions, emotions, perspectives, situations…and we let the rest take care of itself—you are actually empowering yourself completely to influence the results that you get.  

If we bring it back to a business example for a sec. 

Think about a launch activity that you have done that didn’t go as planned and break it down a bit.  

YOU SET YOURSELF A GOAL  

Whether it was one that you could actually achieve or not is a whole ‘nother episode…setting goals you can actually believe are possible is super important! 

Anywho. You’ve set a goal. And you’ve mapped out what you think is needed to achieve that goal.

But baked into those actions are some assumptions about how other people are going to behave. Their purchasing behaviour. The way they are going to react to and interact with your marketing content.

Perhaps how a contractor is going to behave or deliver on something. Maybe how a partner is going to show up. Definitely how life is going to cooperate perfectly with you.  

And then we attach a big old meaning to whether we reach the goal or not.  

You know the kind, “When I reach that goal, I will be successful…”

And when something happens that is out of your control that impacts upon your ability to achieve that goal—you think that means something about you…and even worse, you become a victim where the “world” is conspiring against you and how are you ever meant to grow and succeed and maybe the universe is trying to give you a sign.  

It’s not.  

Trying to give you a sign that is.  

Except maybe that you need to learn something.  

Like STOP TRYING TO CONTROL THINGS THAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL!!! 

What if, when those things derailed our perfectly laid out plan, we chose our reaction and switched on our thinking cap to think outside the box? What if we embraced something that happened completely unexpectedly and turned it into another way that our audience could relate better to us?  

 

What if we ditched the meaning that we attached to the result we wanted, embraced and celebrated the results that we got and learned the lessons that we needed to learn?  

So how can you do this?  

I know that it’s not easy and it takes a massive shift in mindset but Rome wasn’t built in a day…or so they say.  

What if you could start making shifts in how you are reacting to things? Showing up a little bit differently each day. Stopping yourself in a reaction to something and taking a deep breath before you say something you don’t feel good about.  

Do you think that you could change the way you are showing up with your team a little bit? Instead of assuming that they aren’t delivering, assume that you haven’t explained well enough and put a little more effort into making sure that they are supported?  

(This is massive and pays off hugely in the long run in terms of team engagement and proactivity)  

Everything that is worth learning starts with us. With our mindset and how we are thinking and the actions that we are taking in response to each situation.  

When I’m working with my students, one of the things that we focus on the most is what you can do differently in this situation to influence a different outcome. It’s always about what you can do differently, think differently, say differently—it’s all in how you show up.  

This is one of the things that I teach about in my newest Masterclass and I firmly believe that it is one of the mindset keys to creating the foundations for that profitable business that you are craving. You can check out the Masterclass below!

And that is what I have for you this week, my friends! Join me in the Tribe to continue this conversation and I'll see you next week on the Mums in Biz Show - and don’t forget to go and subscribe to the new podcast too!  

 


Lalaine Montecarlo